so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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