he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
