Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
