I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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