I am spending my child support on dildos
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
