Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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