you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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