i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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