saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
