Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
