considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
