first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
