Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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