i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
