The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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