I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
