Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
