Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize