I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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