you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
