I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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