her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
