She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
