The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
