By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
