I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
