Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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