They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
