You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
