I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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