So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
