i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
