who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
