I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
