You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
