You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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