My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize