i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
