So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
