this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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