Can Purell be used as lube?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
