oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize