FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
