State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
