let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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