I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
