she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
