Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
