I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
