tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
