I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
