Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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