Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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