Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
