sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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