Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
