Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
