my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
