hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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