So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
