i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will be naked everywhere
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
