I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
