OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
