I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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