Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
