we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
