also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
