You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
