how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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