It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
