I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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