I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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