I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
