if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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