roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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