So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
