Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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