I'm lost and stupid without you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
