dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
