Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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