I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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